Cancer Progression

After explaining in my previous blog my reluctance in talking about my health, I probably should report that February was a challenging month for me. I began the month with a cold that soon turned into chest congestion. Lots of coughing must have shaken up my fragile lungs enough for some blood to be expelled. I know cancer has already invaded my left diaphragm and I have a few cancerous lung nodules. Plus, the big tumor on my left side is likely compressing my lung. So, I don’t know if the blood was from a viral infection or from the cancer.

Anyway, the bleeding has mostly stopped but the cough has remained, prompting me to have some blood work done. The results showed that I’m now somewhat anemic (not enough oxygen-carrying red blood cells), a common consequence of cancer which grows blood-rich tumors that often leak, as well as interfere with red blood cell production in the bone marrow. This would partly explain my growing levels of fatigue and shortness of breath.

The protruding tumor on my left side sometimes gets bumped, or I may lay on it in a wrong way, resulting in various levels of pain for a day or more. I still have bouts of nausea and other digestive issues. Then there are days where I just feel awful, knowing that such days will only become more frequent. I visited with my oncologist via teleconference a few hours ago and she said she is ready to recommend me to hospice whenever I request it. I told her that I will probably sign on to hospice when I can no longer take care of myself.

But none of this takes away from the peace I have about my condition, and my readiness to exit this world when the Lord chooses. None of it takes away from the joy I have knowing I belong to the Lord, Jesus Christ, and He has prepared a glorious future for me, one I do not deserve. I am sad for those who have no assurance of their salvation, or who even question the existence of heaven. Oh, how dying must be a terrible experience for them. But the Lord God is the one who has opened the eyes of my heart and mind to treasure Him as never before, and blessed me with His wisdom to know Him and to rest in His promises, which never fail.

Cancer is wasting away my body. But the Lord is renewing my joy daily. He is the one who is ultimately in control of my destiny, not cancer, not fate, not me. And that gives me peace.