The Gift of Cancer

Ok, that’s a weird blog title, and certainly a strange way to look at cancer. I don’t mean to diminish the negative side of this terrible disease – the discomfort, the pain, the helplessness, the cost, and the sadness of losing a loved one. But God knows how to turn negatives into glorious positives. He turned the treachery of Joseph’s brothers into an incredible provision for his family. He turned Pharaoh’s hardened heart into a miraculous deliverance for the Hebrew nation. He turned the crucifixion of His own Son into the means of redemption for an undeserving people. So, how has God turned my cancer into a positive? It begins with a confession…

I am guilty. God taught me that I was to love Him with all my heart and mind, but I wasn’t doing it. There were other things that I loved, or at least loved thinking about. I loved thinking about having a small but nice house for retirement, a secure place where I could relax and enjoy the amenities of this world. I could cook whatever I wanted, read exciting books, enjoy melodious music. I would putt along on my riding lawnmower, maintaining a well-manicured lawn that included flowered garden beds. I loved thinking about building up enough financial savings to shield me from economic hardship. I loved thinking about maybe marrying again and enjoy vacationing with her in beautiful places.

Of course, I loved the Lord. I found fulfillment in serving Him in the Philippines. But I would be a hypocrite to say I loved Him with all my heart. Who does? Who truly sees the depth of depravity in our hearts and souls? I think one reason Jesus called John the Baptist one of the greatest persons to ever live was because the pleasures and comforts of this world found no home in his heart. He yielded his heart and mind totally to the Lord.

But I did not have the maturity of character to be as yielded. (In many ways I still don’t.) So, God gave me the gift of cancer so I could focus on living a day at a time, and it’s been wonderful! No longer do I waste time thinking of my dream house, or wondering how my bank account is doing, or imagining vacationing in beautiful places. There are days when I feel I have a clearer understanding, a greater appreciation, and a deeper love for God and His ways than I had in all my years before cancer. The past three and a half years have been truly glorious for me, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Cancer has taken away my affection for the material things of the world. I have no house or property. I have no storage shed for my stuff. I have already divided most of my savings among my kids as their inheritance. I have no car (I borrow Hannah’s when I need to go to the store). None of my kids have anything of mine that they are storing. Everything I own, mostly books packed in about 5 boxes, is with me inside my little bedroom in Hannah and Daniel’s house that they are renting. There is nothing in this world I have to hang on to.

Cancer has compelled me to focus on the things that matter for eternity. Exploring, through reading and reflecting, the depths of God’s sovereignty, His grace, His glory, His strangeness, His love, His power, His humility has been immensely fulfilling and enriching. Knowing Heaven is near fills me with joyful anticipation at all that God has prepared for those who love Him. While I grieve the moral decline of our world and its rejection of the Lord, Jesus Christ, I need not despair knowing God, in His Word, told us such would happen and that His sovereign purposes are being carried out which He planned before the beginning of time (Isaiah 46:10; Eph. 1:4; 2 Tim. 1:9; Titus 1:2).

I know that soon, at some point, cancer will consume my body. But that will allow me to be “present with the Lord”, which will be glorious. In the meantime, I will appreciate the benefits cancer has brought me, and be thankful for them.