When the Time Comes

When I first signed up for hospice care last March, one of the booklets they gave us was titled, “When the Time Comes”. It explains signs to look for when a patient’s dying process may be coming to an end. For example, the dying person will likely withdraw, wanting to spend more time sleeping than awake. His appetite diminishes, often being content with a liquid diet. Weight loss is normal; it does not mean the person is hungry or being starved.

Obviously, changes in bladder and bowel control (incontinence) will happen at the end of life. When the body weakens, muscles in the lower body will relax. Pain medication can slow the bowels even more, thus requiring some people to need ‘adult-sized’ diapers. That’s why they say that if you live long enough, you’ll likely die in diapers, too! Another embarrassing point in the process of dying is temporary confusion, especially when you wake up, not knowing where you are. (After dying, it will be interesting to see how God deals with that one!)

On Thursday morning, Oct 23, just after midnight, I awoke to tremendous hurting from my abdominal area to my lower back, resulting in some of the most excruciating pain so far. Even my pain meds seemed not to help ease the hurting. I didn’t call hospice care (even though they have 24hr. service) because I really thought this was it. God was finally calling me home. But by the time the sun arose, the pain was diminishing and I called hospice. The hospice doctor increased my pain meds and added oxycodone to my regiment of meds to take when needed. So far I haven’t needed to take it again.

So, I’m back to taking things a day at a time, aware anything could happen anytime. The little booklet, When the Time Comes, goes on to say there can be other signs that the end is near, such as shallow breathing, agitation, rapid heart beat, change in blood pressure and skin color. Last week, even when the hurting was most intense, I felt a readiness for death to take its course. I was excited at what I thought was about to happen; eager to step into Heaven. Such is the joy of the Lord in the midst of pain.

I’m feeling much better now, back to where I was before Oct. 23. I move around slowly, but I still move around, able to take care of myself. Assuming this continues, I should make it to my 68th birthday next week, making it 6 years since I learned my cancer had returned and thinking I only had months to live. But whenever my time is up, I’ll be ready, when the time comes.