We waited a day to write a blog update so you didn’t mistake it for an April Fool’s Joke. (Actually we went to bed early last night but decided we needed a good reason for the delay).
This is Hannah writing on Dad’s behalf, as he isn’t able to type well these days. Dad’s edema has worsened and that makes it harder for him to use his hands. The edema is due to his kidney failing so it is unable to process out fluid. This causes fluid to build up in his legs, abdomen, hands, and face. Dad is not bedbound yet. He can still get around the house using his walker but needs assistance getting in and out of bed.
In addition to not being able to process fluid his kidney is not able to process out toxins which has caused Dad to have hallucinations. Dad said he can tell what is real and not real. At least it has given him some entertaining scenes. The other day he looked in his taco casserole and said “There’s a blind bulldog right there!” So while he can’t get on the computer to look at the news or write emails, at least he’s got plenty of entertainment!
Unfortunately the build up of toxins - and possibly the metastasis of cancer to his brain - has caused Dad a lot of disorientation and confusion. Aside from limited mobility I think this has been the greatest stressor for Dad as he sometimes struggles to form reasonable sentences or understand us.
Even so Dad continues to outlive predictions. The first week of February we were told Dad would probably only make it another week or two. Then on March 9 we were told to expect major organ failure within the month as it looked like Dad’s heart and lungs could not keep up with the stress from all the fluid build up. I think most people in Dad’s situation would get into bed and resign themselves to resting their last days on earth. Dad has been very sleepy and naps most of the day but in between naps he still comes out of his room to ask how he can be helpful.
We are grateful Dad’s shortness of breath is not troubling him and his pain is well managed thanks to the many medications the hospice service has given him. We have a wonderful nurse named Stacey who has been a godsend and a good friend to Dad. The nurse and every doctor we’ve met at the hospice service are strong believers who pray for their patients. I asked the last doctor who arrived what her prognosis was for Dad. She responded, “He could die tonight. Or maybe I will see him in 2 months. I’ve been doing this long to enough to know no matter what I say God will make his own decision. Truly, each day is in God’s hands and only he knows the ending.”
We have been reading prayers from Every Moment Holy, Volume 2 and recently we read together the one called “Dying Well.” Please pray this may be in Dad’s thoughts even when thinking becomes difficult:
Though some will write off
The remainder of my days as of no value,
I know that you will not, else you would never
Have ordained that I should live them.
Trusting your providence,
I would not now dismiss them either…
Though my body declines and I find myself
Beset by new pains, discomforts, and limitations,
I am yet your servant as truly as ever, still your
Child, still a vessel of your indwelling Spirit, still
A recipient and a conduit of your grace.
Redeem then these precious remaining days.
Make me of what you will, even now,
In this season of my dying. Shape me yet
In whatever time is left. For this was always
My best vocation: to grow into a truer
And truer image-bearer of my God, learning
To know you, trust you, love you more.
My worth to you was never the measure
of what I could do or accomplish by my
Own hand. All along, you passionately
loved me as your child, delighting to lead me
By your Spirit into closer and more constant
Communion with yourself.
And so my life will be no less significant
in the moment I draw my last breath
Than it was in the moment I drew my first.
This is Hannah writing on Dad’s behalf, as he isn’t able to type well these days. Dad’s edema has worsened and that makes it harder for him to use his hands. The edema is due to his kidney failing so it is unable to process out fluid. This causes fluid to build up in his legs, abdomen, hands, and face. Dad is not bedbound yet. He can still get around the house using his walker but needs assistance getting in and out of bed.
In addition to not being able to process fluid his kidney is not able to process out toxins which has caused Dad to have hallucinations. Dad said he can tell what is real and not real. At least it has given him some entertaining scenes. The other day he looked in his taco casserole and said “There’s a blind bulldog right there!” So while he can’t get on the computer to look at the news or write emails, at least he’s got plenty of entertainment!
Unfortunately the build up of toxins - and possibly the metastasis of cancer to his brain - has caused Dad a lot of disorientation and confusion. Aside from limited mobility I think this has been the greatest stressor for Dad as he sometimes struggles to form reasonable sentences or understand us.
Even so Dad continues to outlive predictions. The first week of February we were told Dad would probably only make it another week or two. Then on March 9 we were told to expect major organ failure within the month as it looked like Dad’s heart and lungs could not keep up with the stress from all the fluid build up. I think most people in Dad’s situation would get into bed and resign themselves to resting their last days on earth. Dad has been very sleepy and naps most of the day but in between naps he still comes out of his room to ask how he can be helpful.
We are grateful Dad’s shortness of breath is not troubling him and his pain is well managed thanks to the many medications the hospice service has given him. We have a wonderful nurse named Stacey who has been a godsend and a good friend to Dad. The nurse and every doctor we’ve met at the hospice service are strong believers who pray for their patients. I asked the last doctor who arrived what her prognosis was for Dad. She responded, “He could die tonight. Or maybe I will see him in 2 months. I’ve been doing this long to enough to know no matter what I say God will make his own decision. Truly, each day is in God’s hands and only he knows the ending.”
We have been reading prayers from Every Moment Holy, Volume 2 and recently we read together the one called “Dying Well.” Please pray this may be in Dad’s thoughts even when thinking becomes difficult:
Though some will write off
The remainder of my days as of no value,
I know that you will not, else you would never
Have ordained that I should live them.
Trusting your providence,
I would not now dismiss them either…
Though my body declines and I find myself
Beset by new pains, discomforts, and limitations,
I am yet your servant as truly as ever, still your
Child, still a vessel of your indwelling Spirit, still
A recipient and a conduit of your grace.
Redeem then these precious remaining days.
Make me of what you will, even now,
In this season of my dying. Shape me yet
In whatever time is left. For this was always
My best vocation: to grow into a truer
And truer image-bearer of my God, learning
To know you, trust you, love you more.
My worth to you was never the measure
of what I could do or accomplish by my
Own hand. All along, you passionately
loved me as your child, delighting to lead me
By your Spirit into closer and more constant
Communion with yourself.
And so my life will be no less significant
in the moment I draw my last breath
Than it was in the moment I drew my first.
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