Pensive Ponderings

It’s sunset, 6 p.m., Dec. 31st. Already, outside, in every direction, fireworks are popping. Long ago, Filipinos adopted a Chinese superstition that lots of noise on New Years Eve will drive the evil spirits away for the coming year. Filipinos must sure hate those bad spirits because during the last hour of the year, the Philippines is the noisiest and smokiest place on earth. Some men will spend a months salary on fireworks that can fill several suitcases. And everyone sets them off during the final hour. It’s quite a spectacle.

In a few days, we will begin our second batch of trainees at our BOOST project (see Sept. 22 entry). Since our budgets are razor thin, I have to produce all the literature we use for our Agriculture and Bible training. That involves formatting, printing, collating, folding, and stapling several dozen booklets. Brainless work. So, for most of today, to occupy my mind while my hands stayed busy, I put on my headphones and listened to some of my old favorite songs. Lost in a pensive mood, some thoughts passed me by...

...Today, Jan would have turned 58. It would also have been our 29th wedding anniversary. Her absence is frequently felt, both in companionship and ministry. I have no doubt that no one on earth is as happy and fulfilled as Jan is right now, along with all the heavenly host of Christ-made saints. I envy where she is and who she is with. But I also thank God for the security I have in knowing one day I will be there, too, along with all my kids, each of whom has a relationship with our heavenly Father. Now that’s a gift you can’t buy at Wallmart!

...For the past 15 months, I have lived alone, for the first time in my life. Having an introverted personality has made it tolerable, but it's still a big adjustment. All 5 of my kids are currently at David’s house for the holidays. Last year, after Skyping with them for 2 hours on Christmas Day, I cried a bit. This year, after Skying with them for 2 hours on Christmas Day, I baked chocolate chip cookies for my neighbors. So, I’m adjusting.

...But my biggest adjustment has been in ministry. I think God has shown me, more than I wanted to see, the ugliness of this world, its culture, its media, and its direction away from God. Honestly, it has been discouraging. Do you recognize this stanza from an old song:

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.

Well, for me, optimism had been a life-long friend. Optimism that rapid church growth could happen here, that a nation-wide revival was possible, and that God’s Kingdom on earth could see better days. But based on what I have seen, I believe, from heaven's Hand, I need to find a better place to plant my hope. The darkness of this world is rapidly increasing in ugliness and scope, with no indication of slowing down. Like Puff, the temptation is to want to hide from it all.

But it’s my relationship with Christ that keeps me out of the cave, knowing that light is needed when darkness prevails. That’s why all of us Christians are still here on this hell-bent planet. So please pray with me, that I will find creative ways to be a faithful light-shiner, and that I will replace optimism with healthy realism – that “this corrupt world is fading away, and all its evil with it, but whoever keeps doing the will of God abides forever.” 1 John 2:17

Outside, nighttime has arrived. The fireworks are increasing. I’m starting to smell smoke. I wish I could broadcast to everyone that making noise is not the way to get rid of evil spirits. But that’s what 2015 is for – to share the truth with those who will hear.

Thanks for listening. Thanks more for praying. May God’s grace and joy fill your days in the year ahead.