Parenting

Today is Sara’s birthday, still young at 27. Next week, I will be the speaker at our annual church Association meeting where I will talk about family and protecting them from the harmful influences of our modern culture. In preparing a slide show, I’ve spent time this week going through our family pictures, reliving some of the memories that hold special places in our hearts.

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I love to brag on my kids. I’m grateful for the people God placed in my life and Jan’s life who taught us about raising a standard of excellence within the home. Of course, Jan and I failed at times to keep that standard high, but at least we felt we knew where to aim. As an empty-nester, reflecting back over the years, here are some things that I think we did right, and some I wish I had done better:

Above all, I wish I had been a better spiritual model. I have read books authored by godly people who remember their dad getting up early every morning and spending focused time with the Lord. For me, with 5 active kids, a busy wife, 2 helpers, 2 dogs, and frequent visitors, my focused time usually came when I was away from the house. I lacked discipline to make quality time with the Lord within the home.

I wish I had praised my kids more. James Dobson recommends that parents give 10 times more praise than criticism, a ratio I didn’t even come close to. Our children do positive things every day if we are alert to them. Although I strove to be lavish in my praise, I’m sure my kids remember the criticisms more.

I wish I had better control over my feelings, especially when angry. Before I married, I didn’t think I had a temper. But marriage and homeschooling 5 kids can quickly bring out the worst in any of us. There were times, especially with Jonathan, when I resorted to anger rather than to pray and ask for wisdom on how to deal with a situation. There were many a day when my anger failed to go down with the sun.

On the other hand, I think we got some things right. We chose never to have a TV in our home, even though everyone else had one. All my kids are so thankful that they did not grow up with TV. Today, none of them have one or want one. We also did not allow rock music to be played in our home. (Confession: My kids occasionally caught me listening to my 60’s music.)

We had lots of resources in the home for learning. Jan was excellent at this. With homeschooling, we were in control of what our kids learned. We were able to center all learning around God’s Word, focusing on developing godly character qualities rather than only academics. We created our own family culture that was wholesome and fun.

Jan and I were careful to help our kids select their friends. Knowing how friends can influence us toward good or bad, we wanted our kids to have friends who would motivate them toward maturity. That meant sometimes David and Jonathan did not have any friends, which was OK. Better to have no friends than the wrong friends. The girls were able to have a few good Filipina friends.

For Jan and I, parenting took a lot of work and sacrifice. But I regret none of it. “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.” (3 John 4)